Parenting Advice

Yesterday, before I went to bed, I read this on Yahoo and it gave me a good giggle. Notice that some items are contradictions of each other. Enjoy, and if you're a parent, you'll know exactly what I mean. I know I've been part of these annoying advice tips no matter how much I said I wouldn't. BUT I do mostly try to wait until advice is solicited ;) My own comments are in ( ) at the end.

Here's the original link.

I have nothing against friends and family offering advice when you come to them with a dilemma. It's the people who pipe up, unbidden, because they see you with a child and assume you have no idea what you're doing. Too often these people are elderly great-aunts. Fortunately those ladies are afraid of the Internet, so I can rail against them and they'll be none the wiser! Thanks, ladies.

1. "Sleep now, because once that baby comes you'll never sleep again." Technically this is a pregnancy tip, of course, but I'm shoving it in here anyway. Yes, Great-Aunt Hildy, I will sleep throughout my entire third trimester. Because I am part bear. (although, after a baby's born, I wish THEY were part bear and slept for 6 weeks at a time)

2. "Sleep when the baby sleeps." Everyone gives you this one — annoying relatives, pediatricians, the cashier at the drugstore where you were buying newborn diapers. Are these people all robots, capable of instantly dropping off to sleep whenever their child is unconscious? Do they not have other things to do, like bathe, or simply relish the rare moments of silence you get when you have an infant? (Ditto. It takes me a good 1/2 hour to fall asleep.)

3. "I think your baby's hungry." Whether you're nursing or bottle-feeding, everyone assumes you don't know how to feed your child. And every time your child cries, whines, grimaces, or squirms, they are going to assume you are starving your poor baby and you need reminders to feed it. Lest you forget! This advice is especially maddening when they turn out to be correct. (My biggest pet peeve is when people in the store say, "someone looks tired" when Eli has just had a nap. He JUST woke up. He's NOT tired, he's just plain grumpy.)

4. "Relish every moment of your baby's first years, because they'll be grown before you know it." You mean, time only moves forward? I had no idea! I thought we'd be like this forever and ever! This sort of advice, obvious and innocuous as it seems, always put me on the defensive, as if I had just been carrying my baby under my arm like a football, muttering, "Grow up already, why don't you. Just GROW UP." (Okay, this one just always makes me feel guilty. Like I'm not relishing every moment. Well, I don't relish temper tantrums, diaper changing fights, but WHO DOES? That's like saying, relish the torturous moments and times when you grasp at straws of patience to keep from screaming and going insane. I DO love my boy though, and I cherish his little hugs and dread the day when he becomes embarrassed of me.)

5. "I hope you're sleep training that child. Do you WANT him to be spoiled?" Oh, distant relative/person whose aisle I shared at the supermarket, I'm so glad you know exactly my child needs. And that you know, from your years of scientific research, that any child not allowed to cry it out will be a horrible waste of flesh! (Sadly, I was annoyed at Aaron when he wanted the baby monitor on when we were letting Eli "cry it out". We'd already decided on a method. He sleeps through Eli's crying anyway. Why make me suffer through the half hour of baby sobbing trying to keep from going in to check?)

6. "I hope you're not doing that 'crying it out' thing. It's so barbaric. Enjoy your baby all through the night!" Again, kudos to you, whoever you are, for knowing what's best for our unique family situation! I will be calling you at 4 a.m., so you can enjoy our baby as well. (While 'crying it out' worked for us, I understand those who don't use it and, honestly, I don't know how it might work if we have another.)

7. "Why are you bringing your child outside when it's so cold out?" It never ceased to amaze me that, no matter what my child's age, total strangers will express alarm and revulsion that I dared expose him to the elements. "And WHY ISN'T HE WEARING MITTENS? He's going to get consumption!" (I had someone tell me this once when we were at a wedding. Eli was bundled in a snow suit and I was told it was too cold. Yes, it was cold. Yes, Eli looked grumpy, BUT we had him layered and bundled to survive the winter winds of Antarctica! He was probably too HOT! Oh well, he DIDN'T get consumption so I guess in that sense I was vindicated;)

8. "Your child isn't really sad/angry/injured. He's just manipulating you." There's no doubt that children can push our buttons as if they've had professional training in it, but the notion that my kid's authentic feelings are in fact manufactured to elicit a reaction really chaps my hide. If that were always true, he'd be a pint-sized sociopath. I'm pretty sure that's not the case. (Sometimes I actually DO think Eli is a pint-sized sociopath. Especially with some of his looks and when he's competing with other kids for my attention. i.e. when I'm babysitting.)

9. "Schools are just glorified prisons. If you loved your child, you'd homeschool." Oh, if only I loved my child enough to abandon my livelihood, tear him away from the community he so enjoys, separate him from the professionals who have dedicated their careers to childhood education, and forced him to stay home all day with me, where we'd be at each other's throats for hours! If only! Please note: I am not opposed to homeschooling, at all — in fact I wish it would work for us, but it would not. (wouldn't work for me either)

10. "If I were you, I'd just—" OH NO YOU DON'T. I know where this is going. Listen, unnamed distant acquaintance who last parented in the 19th century (it's true — I often get my unwanted advice from ghosts) you don't know diddly about my kid, and our relationship, and what works for us. (I really wish I was brave enough to say this in public. Even as a joke with Aaron... you know a silly "public" roe where Aaron pretends not to know me and comes up to give advice and I turn all angry and fed up with ALL the crazy advice and say exactly what it says above!)

Okay, this is me (Carrie) now. All the above said, I do appreciate the SOLICITED advice I've been given by family and friends. I wouldn't be surviving as a mother without it. I hope you also had a good giggle over these.