Monday, July 27, 2015


I thought I had it, until I didn't.
Now, it's something that people say I have, but I don't.
It's something I am desperate to have, but the gaining means the trying the the trying reminds me of how far I have to go.
What I do feel is quite akin to guilt and shame and doubt with a whole lot of weariness rolled up into one.
Kids, parenting 505, needing a good therapist

Just a tad too personal to post on Facebook.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

My Missionary

As a mom, there are so many things to worry about, both temporally and spiritually with our children.  For me, those worries are the ones I have no control over.  Worries over how my children will use their agency.  I do my best to talk about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  So much so that once Eli asked a question and when I started talking about God, he said, "NO Mom, we aren't at church, what IS the answer."  Then I reminded him that Heavenly Father is in our every day life.  That church, while we love it and it is important, is just one day out of the many that God has given us and that God is in everything around us.  However, it IS comments like that that make me most worry.  Especially coupled with the weekly complaining of how boring church is.

So imagine my joy and utter shock when I went to a friends' house (who is contentedly inactive) to pick up Eli from a play date, and she told me this:

"Carrie, you need to start saving for that mission, because Eli's well on his way.

I over heard him and (child's name) having a deep religious discussion about where God comes from and where we go after we die.  I didn't intervene or anything.  I just listened and Eli was so firm in his convictions and knowledge.  When talking about where God comes from he talked about intelligences (Abraham 3:22-23).  When asked about what happens when we die, he talked about heaven and doing God's work.

When (child) said, 'Well, some people believe this and this about God, but that's not what my Mom believes.'  Eli responded, 'Well, that's okay if they don't believe that (score one for the 11th article of faith), but the truth is this - went on to explain- and if you think about it, it makes sense.  He was convincing (child) that it was true.  So start saving!"

I know I have so many others to thank for their guiding influence in his life, but it did this worried mom a world of good to know that my little 5 year old is listening to things I say, has a testimony and is being his own kind of missionary.  I'm also grateful for my wonderful friend who listened and didn't interrupt a little boy's testimony even if it might not have been something she particularly agreed with.